Discussion in 'General Chat' started by slick, Aug 8, 2011.
I thought Seen was talking about him running that red light and £60 quid fine.
You've been the new owner for too long now Seen, you're just the owner now!
Here's one i'm sure you'll appreciate..
Apparently, I can't say "Black paint!" any more.
I have to be PC and say, "Please paint that wall, Leroy."
You know, when two people just click
I kept putting the plates and bowls in the wrong order.
The boss reckons I am dishlexic.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!!.
She hates it when I call her that.
I think it was Farmer Geddon.
I shouted “Where you off to Charlie?”
He said, “I'm off to change a light bulb.”
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. …then said, “Do you need any help”?
Not really” he said. “I still have the receipt.
Apparently they were roaming catholics.
"The greatest gift they'll get this year is life."
I'm fed up with black people being stereotyped as criminals.
I said maybe
When asked if they would serve bread too they said no but instead they would get a roll with it
Gave them a glass of water
I paid up and he gave me a ticket to the local swimming pool.
Mick...."Really, how can you tell them apart?"
Paddy...."It's easy, Julie's got blonde hair and Derek has a moustache"