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SMS Jokes

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by slick, Aug 8, 2011.

  1. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    The wife said to me 'what do you love more? Having sex with me...or Football?'
    I said 'Open your fucking legs and I'll show ya!'
    She opened her legs, and I nutmegged her.
    rcgills likes this.
  2. Punter

    Punter Moderator

    Messages:
    7,360
    :lol
  3. ONEDUNME

    ONEDUNME Administrator

    Messages:
    10,558
    :lol
  4. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    A duck goes into the job centre looking for work, Guy behind the desk thinks wow a talking duck. So he says have you tried the circus?

    Duck replies.........Why? Are they looking for plasterers?
  5. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    Bit of a sick one this but it made me laff...........


    A doctor walks into a maternity ward and says to a mother “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”
    Mother. “I’ll have the bad news first.”
    Doctor. “Your babies got ginger hair”
    Mother. “Oh no, what’s the good news”
    Doctor. “It’s dead.”
  6. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    I told the missus to start masturbating with fruit.

    She went fucking bananas!
    Punter likes this.
  7. Punter

    Punter Moderator

    Messages:
    7,360
    Working as a conductor on the ghost train was all tickety boo.
  8. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    Lol, I see the Grand kids are rubbing off on you.
    Punter likes this.
  9. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    Police have just foiled a plot by two boat loads of Muslim extremists trying to breach the damaged Whaley bridge Dam.

    When questioned they said it's 'Ramadam'
  10. Topdog

    Topdog Moderator

    Messages:
    7,887
    Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are,I hope they're happy
    slick and Punter like this.
  11. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    Someone tried Od'ing on mine but after the first two he felt better:leaving
    Topdog likes this.
  12. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    I've just bought a new mouse mat.

    That should stop the little fuckers leaving footprints all over the kitchen!
  13. slick

    slick Administrator

    Messages:
    11,616
    My Mum and Dad were both dwarves.

    All their lives they struggled to put food on the table.
  14. ONEDUNME

    ONEDUNME Administrator

    Messages:
    10,558
    :lol

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